A drop in the ocean

Who I am, Why do I exist. What’s the significance of my existence. Just one girl. One another person among the zillions of living people on mother earth. Same views, same aspirations. Then, why do I think that all the things should happen as per my will. May be, again a very common human nature. Moments will keep changing our preferences. Today what seems of great value, tomorrow can be a dime a dozen. Human nature is fickle. No, may be, because there is nothing constant in the cosmos, that’s why we human are so fickle minded. But, may be only our behavior gets changed, but not the ‘Real self’. We remain our own self throughout our life. Only our preferences, life style, likes, dislikes, tastes keep changing, as we move through the journey called life. Oh why I was writing this passage, ...yeah because I was feeling very ordinary, common and insubstantial today. And as human nature is, just wanted to pour out my vague thoughts on the blog. It’s my diary, btw, that is open to all. I am happy being myself. But still, today I was feeling very ordinary, a drop in the ocean. Just a drop… in the wide ocean.

I am more experienced now

I am way too simple person. For I take things as they are being said or presented, when they are coming from a Friend. I mean how you can be skeptical when you are dealing with a friend. A Friend should behave like a friend. There can not be any third definition for a Friend. If a friend tells me something, then I would take the thing as it is. Either I would trust my friends or would not call them friends. But, now I have realized that, eyes can deceive. For the first time, I did not hear the sound advice of my Mind, and let myself get carried away by delusions. Because I was being fantasized by a Friend. Okay then, here comes the result – A Disastrous end of a Good Friendship.

Well for me, it was a good Friendship, which was the base for my trust, though I had never been fully convinced, but I did trust. I trusted because I was dealing with a Friend and I do trust my friends. Now either I call them my friends or I don’t trust them, as Friendship and Trust both go together.

Still, there is so much to learn from life. For sometime now, it seems as if my life is getting out of control. I have not been able to control things. Now, hopefully, things will be totally in control, as I have learnt the lesson. And every experience, good or bad, makes us a better person provided we take it positively. I, being the optimistic girl, take every thing positively. So, good news is that, now I am more experienced. Better luck next time!

Crucial Clarity

How important it is to have clarity in our thought process. If we don’t know what we are supposed to do, then we shall always find ourselves in an everlasting dilemma. The thing has to be clear. Sometimes as the time goes by, unwanted shadows tend to swathe our clearing understanding. What’s the best way to overcome this? May be, we should talk and understand, and for Heaven’s sake, should get the clarity. For quite some time, I have been craving for the Clarity content in my life too. Today I guess have got some clarity (thank goodness). Now feeling actually better. And one more thing. You can not get this clarity by talking to any body, who has all the time in the world for you, but it can only be achieved when you contact with the correct concerned person. On top of that, you can manage to discuss the correct point. Oh my goodness there is so much confusion exist in this world that to get clarity sometimes becomes such a big deal. Anyways, I need to learn many things. The major problem with me is, unless I discuss my doubts with the concerned person, I am not ready to accept the facts. I mean I have made this such a big deal, that even if all the facts can be seen as clear as day, still I would not accept it until the concerned person agrees! Oh oh, not a good sign. But this is only with the Most Important & Sensitive issues. Ummm still there are certain things that we need to do on our own. If I can see and understand things, loud & clear, and still make it a point to discuss it with the concerned person, before accepting it, then may be I need to mend my ways. Or may be I want to judge the rightness of my understanding! Okay then, I’ll try to bring clarity in my life as always, so that no room is left for any Unwanted Shadows! I’ll keep trying. I am good in trying, no? :P

On a bad day

Does beautiful time exist only in dreams. The time is not favorable. The people are harsh. The things are distasteful. Ah something is wrong somewhere. I am not feeling good from within. The light is fading. I am finding myself stuck in here. In the darkness. I am not able to see through. Mind is leaving me hopeless. Heart is beating too slow. Am I dying or having a nightmare. Oh all this is just not what I wanted. I am helpless. I am not in control. I am losing something. Something of great love and affection to me. Oh why ..why this is happening. Can someone just stop all this. Or let me close my eyes and never let them open. Do not want to see anything. Do not want to feel anything. Just want to evaporate. Just want to disappear in infinity. Want to merge into eternity. Want to forget everything. Oh I am so sad. I am not happy. I am …not…happy.

// I had saved this post on my PC. I don't remember when I wrote this but let me put it here, so that I know that there are times when I feel that way also :)

Any hope?

Positive attitude. Look forward and move ahead. Emotions are fundamental essence, for anything to call a ‘Living Being’. Emotions hurt. Emotions delight. And emotions are uncontrollable. That is why they are dangerous. But there is no way escaping them. Okay then be it like that. Yeah I was talking about ‘Positive attitude’. Never give negative direction to your thought process. Anything happens on the earth, happens for the best. If only one learns to keep a check on the apprehensive emotional attitude, life will become enjoyable experience. We tend to think wrong first and ignore the bright aspect. Why? Are we over protective, and want to stay prepared for the worst outcomes? Or this is just in human nature to expect all the bad things first and then wait for the future to unfold. When shall we learn to live in the present moment? Why do we forget to enjoy the present moment. Why are we so concerned about future (which is capricious) and why do we moan over past (which is irreversible). We know these facts. And still we waste our present in worrying about future and past. What a waste. What a waste I said. No, nothing can change us. We human beings are just unpredictable. Any degree of human intelligence, can not change the way human behaves. We just think, ponder over myriad of things and then get back to our lazy, carefree self. Ah, it is sad. If only I could find a way to change certain things, I would be the happiest person. But I am the same person, the same person who I have been throughout my life. Is there any hope? Can we have a hope? Oh yeah, at least, we can have a Hope! (thank goodness)

Birthday Girl Has A Long Way To Go!

It is my 25th birthday. And a good day to write something about me. How time flies. We tend to make many plans for our future, but what future holds for us, no one knows. Well this time around, I have taken some unusual decisions. I have decided something on the personal front, as I have always been concerned about my career, dreams, and blah blah, so this time I have taken some time out for my own self. I went on a date last Sunday for the first time. It was a total new and strange experience for me. To spend time with someone and try to understand him and understand my own self, was a good experience. I was nervous, but I wanted to have that new experience. So, I thought this time around I must go as time is slipping out of my hands and I need to have some experience too! I need to know things better and be more realistic rather than being caught in my weird imaginative world. My date was good and I had a very good time. Thank goodness, though I was hell nervous, things were still fine with both of us. Now how do I feel? Now I feel as if I can see through reality better, and if I have to decide something for my future then the same old logic still holds the truth. First, secure a well-established future and then other things can happen at the right time. Till then I want to gear up for the next challenges life keeps throwing at me. I hope I will be able to match the pace of time. And as they say, it’s always easy said than done, I do not want to speak only. I want to take actions and actions speak louder than words. I wish to take life more seriously and do my best to make it better for every body around. No more foolish decisions, no more imaginations! Just the Reality and my Life! Birthday Girl has a long way to Go !!

Going for the Good

I will be away for 16 days from now. I would like to spend my time in re-organising my self. I would not carry any burdensome baggage from the past. And I would move on. I have a long way to go. As I have been fighting with my fate and this fight does not seem to be ending anytime soon. I believe in myself and know for certain that my world is far better than what it seems at times. I have got the ability to think positive and understand things better. I feel fortunate that I hardly make wrong decisions. I need to build a new confidence in me and certainly have to start taking life more seriously. I am a bit carefree girl. I hardly take things seriously and do something meaningful. But if I do not cure my ways then I will lag behind. I have to match the pace of my efforts with the time. In the next few days, I just want to forget everything but the real goal of my life. I do not want to get married and settle down just for the sake of it. I want to live a meaningful life. And of course, I want more freedom. Freedom lets a person be her self. I am yearning for a “safe freedom”. I have many things to do. And I want to judge how far I would reach. I have to go now. I will be back. Hopefully, with loads of happiness and enthusiasm next time, as that’s what I am known for.