On a bad day

Does beautiful time exist only in dreams. The time is not favorable. The people are harsh. The things are distasteful. Ah something is wrong somewhere. I am not feeling good from within. The light is fading. I am finding myself stuck in here. In the darkness. I am not able to see through. Mind is leaving me hopeless. Heart is beating too slow. Am I dying or having a nightmare. Oh all this is just not what I wanted. I am helpless. I am not in control. I am losing something. Something of great love and affection to me. Oh why ..why this is happening. Can someone just stop all this. Or let me close my eyes and never let them open. Do not want to see anything. Do not want to feel anything. Just want to evaporate. Just want to disappear in infinity. Want to merge into eternity. Want to forget everything. Oh I am so sad. I am not happy. I am …not…happy.

// I had saved this post on my PC. I don't remember when I wrote this but let me put it here, so that I know that there are times when I feel that way also :)

Any hope?

Positive attitude. Look forward and move ahead. Emotions are fundamental essence, for anything to call a ‘Living Being’. Emotions hurt. Emotions delight. And emotions are uncontrollable. That is why they are dangerous. But there is no way escaping them. Okay then be it like that. Yeah I was talking about ‘Positive attitude’. Never give negative direction to your thought process. Anything happens on the earth, happens for the best. If only one learns to keep a check on the apprehensive emotional attitude, life will become enjoyable experience. We tend to think wrong first and ignore the bright aspect. Why? Are we over protective, and want to stay prepared for the worst outcomes? Or this is just in human nature to expect all the bad things first and then wait for the future to unfold. When shall we learn to live in the present moment? Why do we forget to enjoy the present moment. Why are we so concerned about future (which is capricious) and why do we moan over past (which is irreversible). We know these facts. And still we waste our present in worrying about future and past. What a waste. What a waste I said. No, nothing can change us. We human beings are just unpredictable. Any degree of human intelligence, can not change the way human behaves. We just think, ponder over myriad of things and then get back to our lazy, carefree self. Ah, it is sad. If only I could find a way to change certain things, I would be the happiest person. But I am the same person, the same person who I have been throughout my life. Is there any hope? Can we have a hope? Oh yeah, at least, we can have a Hope! (thank goodness)

Birthday Girl Has A Long Way To Go!

It is my 25th birthday. And a good day to write something about me. How time flies. We tend to make many plans for our future, but what future holds for us, no one knows. Well this time around, I have taken some unusual decisions. I have decided something on the personal front, as I have always been concerned about my career, dreams, and blah blah, so this time I have taken some time out for my own self. I went on a date last Sunday for the first time. It was a total new and strange experience for me. To spend time with someone and try to understand him and understand my own self, was a good experience. I was nervous, but I wanted to have that new experience. So, I thought this time around I must go as time is slipping out of my hands and I need to have some experience too! I need to know things better and be more realistic rather than being caught in my weird imaginative world. My date was good and I had a very good time. Thank goodness, though I was hell nervous, things were still fine with both of us. Now how do I feel? Now I feel as if I can see through reality better, and if I have to decide something for my future then the same old logic still holds the truth. First, secure a well-established future and then other things can happen at the right time. Till then I want to gear up for the next challenges life keeps throwing at me. I hope I will be able to match the pace of time. And as they say, it’s always easy said than done, I do not want to speak only. I want to take actions and actions speak louder than words. I wish to take life more seriously and do my best to make it better for every body around. No more foolish decisions, no more imaginations! Just the Reality and my Life! Birthday Girl has a long way to Go !!